You should date a girl who thinks

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Date a girl who thinks. Find her in the library, with her books open and her eyes unfocused. Find her pensively quiet in the middle of a heated discussion in a lecture hall somewhere. Find her looking in your direction, into your eyes with a half smile. Approach her. Drop a witty line. She thinks you’re interesting. To a girl who thinks, everybody is interesting. Buy her a drink. Win her over with your clever words. She will study you from the corner of her eyes. If she smiles, offer to walk her home. Get her number. Don’t call her.

Ask her out with a simple text. A girl who thinks will appreciate it because a text allows her time to think, to consider the pros and cons, to try her best to decide your sincerity. In the end, she’ll say yes because it’s only a date. A girl who thinks has high expectations. Lower her expectations. Show up in your jeans and t-shirt. Don’t take her to a fancy restaurant. Take her to the park. Don’t discuss politics and Voltaire, ask for her opinions about nothing in particular. Listen to her. Give her meandering thoughts an outlet to untangle. If the depth of her thoughts makes it difficult for you to breath, be comfortable with it. If her thinking gives you the urge to run away, don’t. Stay. Make her laugh. Hold her hand. She may take it back. Reach for it again until she lets you. Kiss her. Pour your heart out for her. Repeat.

Ask her to marry you, at her place, with candles and flowers. A girl who thinks appreciates the privacy of intimacy. She wants to believe that your love is true with or without an audience. She asks for your assurance and says yes. Get married. Celebrate because you have won. She has lost.

She has lost because in the midst of it all, she fell for you. Treat her badly. Push her away. Stop loving her and she will still be at your side. A girl who thinks has a smart brain and a stupid heart. She will love you in the best and the worse of time. She will love you even when she knows she deserves better. She will give you her all because she thinks effort will earn it all. She will give you her all because she thinks love will fix it all.

Date a girl who thinks because unlike her thoughts, her heart is naive. But don’t fail her because one day, she may wake up and leave her heart behind.

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Quality time

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Meet me for coffee.

Let’s go for a bike ride.

Let’s go for a picnic. Feed each other food and you can nap on my lap.

Let’s take a walk.

If we must bring work home, let’s sit together and be productive. I’ll be your occasional distractions and you’ll be mine.

If it’s a long day, I’ll lean on you and tangle my fingers with yours.

Content.

Repeat in no particular orders.

A dream

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I live in a dream. I am aiming for things that are not there. I am reaching for goals that are not probable. I am loving someone who is not around. I am living with a family that does not want to stay together. I go to sleep to wake up unsatisfied. I walk the street not wanting to arrive at a destination. I work so life would pass by unnoticed.

Then the excuses come. Reality does not have to be real. Accomplishments need obstacles. Distance is the ultimate test for love. All happy families are the same. Sleep is an anecdote, not a solution. The desire to live has to be searched for. Life happens.

It’s time to wake up.

**I stumbled across this post in my draft bin. It was written in 2012 and somehow I forgot about it. What a curious feeling reading the words that was written years ago. I still feel like I am living in a dream, yet the dream and the uncertainty have changed and they may never go away.

Ready

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Love turns you into a liar. Without knowing, you bend and twist your words, your own belief and who you are to become that person’s ideal. You make up excuses for that person when they wrong you. You convince yourself that that person is the one, that no matter what, you will never give up. You do it so well, you become a believer who falls head over heels for the occasional sweet words and faint promises. It becomes a habit and you can’t stop. Then on the bad days, you realize you have made a mistake. So you stop. This time, you are determined. You are done. Enough, you say. But a few sweet words and faint promises later, you’re back at it again.

You turned into a liar. But lucky for you, it wasn’t love that turned you into a liar. It’s loneliness and the longing to be with someone. When you’re in love, you shouldn’t have to lie and pretend to be someone you’re not. But you’re not ready for love until you can handle loneliness with grace.

Do & don’t

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Fall in love. Don’t fall in love with the idea of being in love.

Decisions

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I’ve been out of sort, out of this world, out of mind, out of you. But enough is enough. Without actions, dreams and wonders feel poisonous somehow. Without actions, thoughts are loud, meaningless noises. I will live this life by doing because thinking is my illusion of glass half full.

I choose to ignore the uncertainty about today, tomorrow, about you, about us. I learned the hard way that questions do not rid of uncertainty. Attempts, mistakes and heartbreaks do.

Fuck emotion and social standards. I will run toward the roar with my heart on my sleeve.

This life, I will live by doing..

.. and in oblivion, I will love you.

Brave

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I’m not brave but I will make it work.

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