The Anna Karenina Principle

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“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

– Leo Tolstoy 

You should date a girl who thinks

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Date a girl who thinks. Find her in the library, with her books open and her eyes unfocused. Find her pensively quiet in the middle of a heated discussion in a lecture hall somewhere. Find her looking in your direction, into your eyes with a half smile. Approach her. Drop a witty line. She thinks you’re interesting. To a girl who thinks, everybody is interesting. Buy her a drink. Win her over with your clever words. She will study you from the corner of her eyes. If she smiles, offer to walk her home. Get her number. Don’t call her.

Ask her out with a simple text. A girl who thinks will appreciate it because a text allows her time to think, to consider the pros and cons, to try her best to decide your sincerity. In the end, she’ll say yes because it’s only a date. A girl who thinks has high expectations. Lower her expectations. Show up in your jeans and t-shirt. Don’t take her to a fancy restaurant. Take her to the park. Don’t discuss politics and Voltaire, ask for her opinions about nothing in particular. Listen to her. Give her meandering thoughts an outlet to untangle. If the depth of her thoughts makes it difficult for you to breath, be comfortable with it. If her thinking gives you the urge to run away, don’t. Stay. Make her laugh. Hold her hand. She may take it back. Reach for it again until she lets you. Kiss her. Pour your heart out for her. Repeat.

Ask her to marry you, at her place, with candles and flowers. A girl who thinks appreciates the privacy of intimacy. She wants to believe that your love is true with or without an audience. She asks for your assurance and says yes. Get married. Celebrate because you have won. She has lost.

She has lost because in the midst of it all, she fell for you. Treat her badly. Push her away. Stop loving her and she will still be at your side. A girl who thinks has a smart brain and a stupid heart. She will love you in the best and the worse of time. She will love you even when she knows she deserves better. She will give you her all because she thinks effort will earn it all. She will give you her all because she thinks love will fix it all.

Date a girl who thinks because unlike her thoughts, her heart is naive. But don’t fail her because one day, she may wake up and leave her heart behind.

Quality time

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Meet me for coffee.

Let’s go for a bike ride.

Let’s go for a picnic. Feed each other food and you can nap on my lap.

Let’s take a walk.

If we must bring work home, let’s sit together and be productive. I’ll be your occasional distractions and you’ll be mine.

If it’s a long day, I’ll lean on you and tangle my fingers with yours.


Repeat in no particular orders.

Stay up

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“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them.”

– someone awesome out there

A dream

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I live in a dream. I am aiming for things that are not there. I am reaching for goals that are not probable. I am loving someone who is not around. I am living with a family that does not want to stay together. I go to sleep to wake up unsatisfied. I walk the street not wanting to arrive at a destination. I work so life would pass by unnoticed.

Then the excuses come. Reality does not have to be real. Accomplishments need obstacles. Distance is the ultimate test for love. All happy families are the same. Sleep is an anecdote, not a solution. The desire to live has to be searched for. Life happens.

It’s time to wake up.

**I stumbled across this post in my draft bin. It was written in 2012 and somehow I forgot about it. What a curious feeling reading the words that was written years ago. I still feel like I am living in a dream, yet the dream and the uncertainty have changed and they may never go away.

Here is B (If I Should Have a Daughter)

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If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”

She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.

And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”

But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.

I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.

You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.

And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.

“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”

Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.

Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.

– Sarah Kay

**I would recommend watching her TED talk .. and maybe re-watching it once in a while.

The Rhodora

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On being asked, whence is the flower.

In May, when sea-winds pierced our solitudes,
I found the fresh Rhodora in the woods,
Spreading its leafless blooms in a damp nook,
To please the desert and the sluggish brook.
The purple petals fallen in the pool
Made the black water with their beauty gay;
Here might the red-bird come his plumes to cool,
And court the flower that cheapens his array.
Rhodora! if the sages ask thee why
This charm is wasted on the earth and sky,
Tell them, dear, that, if eyes were made for seeing,
Then beauty is its own excuse for Being;
Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose!
I never thought to ask; I never knew;
But in my simple ignorance suppose
The self-same power that brought me there, brought you.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

No matter

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“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.”

– Anonymous 


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“You are going to fall. The very nature of moving through life is that at some point, you are going to stumble. But when you stumble, it just means, “Oops! Detour! Got to move in another direction.”

Things will show up and it will look like failure, but it really is just life trying to move you in a different direction. Until the last breath, you always get another chance.”

– Oprah Winfrey

Let go

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“If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be free.”

– Achaan Chah

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